Today is my five-year wedding anniversary.
As I tried to think about what to write, how to describe how thankful I am for my husband, I kept coming back to my parents’ marriage. I kept coming back to the end.
I had the rare pleasure growing up of witnessing a real, honest to gosh, love story. My parents had an AMAZING marriage.
When my dad died, it was like a vital piece of my mom was wrenched away. The most traumatizing memory I have of the day he passed away was the unearthly sound of wailing that came from somewhere deep inside her that was torn wide open; it was the sound of pure, audible anguish.
She once said to me, “I would give anything just to be loved by him again”.
Doesn’t that put it all in perspective?
When my husband leaves his dirty laundry in the hallway, or forgets to feed the dog; when he seems incapable of talking about his emotions, or when he insists that he needs another piece of gear for a new hobby… its nothing in the shadow of his love for me.
Everyday my husband walks out the door into a job that is inherently full of risk, so early on in our marriage we established the tradition of always kissing goodbye when he left – even if we had been fighting or it was the middle of the night or I was putting on makeup.
Now, I’m not superstitious and I’m not typically a pessimist, but I never want to reach the day where he doesn’t come home, and find myself regretting that I was too hung up on the small stuff to say, ‘I love you’.
My mom says that her marriage with dad was sweeter in their 31st year than at any other time of life. And when he went suddenly Home, she didn’t have to wonder where they stood.
And as for dad – well he traveled a lot for work, and a few years ago he caught the end of the movie, “The Fault in Our Stars” at a hotel. He called my mom and told her he cried through it – the man that rarely ever teared up – phoned his wife to admit he cried through a John Green story. And here’s why.
When the main character in the movie dies of cancer, he leaves a letter about the love of his life that says:
“I love her. I am so lucky to love her… you don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.”
My dad liked his choices. My mom liked hers.
And here at the end of five years of loss, joy, pain, adventure, sorrow, growth, laughter and sacrifice – I can honestly say that I like my choices.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ”
I am so lucky to love my husband, so lucky to be loved by him.
In a world where nothing is certain except that you will certainly hurt, I find myself clinging to the fleeting joys I'm granted here and the fixed joy of heaven.
So here's to you honey, and here is to the greatest pleasure of my life - loving you.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. ”