I have a masters degree in a mental health field so I can tell you all the right words, the correct tools, and diagnostic criteria. Yet the meat of this post is based on the words of my extremely wise mother, who talked to me on the phone late at night when I felt like my mind was fracturing. In my panic, in my inability to control my own anxiety, I reached out and she grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the surface with beautiful, hard fought TRUTH.
The stigmatization of mental illness has become an increasingly popular topic for bloggers and social activists but I find that there is still a cloud of shame that hangs about the idea. We are all for championing acceptance when it is for someone "out there" but when its close, our own inner demons threatening to be exposed, Its hard to admit.
I suffer from OCD, and since the death of my dad and my mother-in-law's cancer diagnosis it has been out of control. I have had to ask for help, had to admit that I can't manage it on my own. In the midst of writing this blog, of wanting so desperately to look like I have it all together, I have been humbled. Friends, it is good to seek out the helping hand of another. There is no shame in acknowledging our finite limitations.
The enemy wants to slap us with self-given labels. He wants us to believe that we are crazy, that we are disappearing, drowning, malfunctioning, fracturing; with an oiled tongue he will whisper false identities until it seems there is no other voice in the world but the one of condemnation.
But guess what? Mental disorders don't define you, they don't define me. To be human is to struggle. No one wants to have to fight this stuff but here's the thing- everyone has to fight something. Understand that today will end and tomorrow will begin fresh. You may have had other days that were better than today, you may have lost a round or two in the ring of your mind, but its okay. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. You will fight and you will start WINNING.
You are a warrior. You are a fighter. When the enemy is coming down on you hard, pick a good weapon.
“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God”
Don't miss this... we are not defenseless. Our weapon is the sword of the Spirit, the word of God. Now there is great value in therapy, in psychopharmacology, in counseling- we can always find the tools that we've been missing. But dear heart, when you find yourself ten feet under water and upside down it pays to have something in your mental arsenal to buoy you back to the surface. And that something is scripture.
Memorize it. Carry around a card with those words of truth written bold.
When I was completely suffocating in my own living room my mom held me up and said, "Hannah, if you don't have a verse that you are actively memorizing, its time to do that. Choose a verse. It won't solve your whole life but it is a part of what will help you solve your life. Let Jesus lead you to quiet waters little one."
When your imagination is hijacked into a fear machine, fill your mind with worthwhile and valuable things. Find somewhere to go with your imagination that isn't the worse case scenario. In other words, when the enemy comes at you, use the force of the enemy against him. My dad called this tactic spiritual jujitsu.
The broken cycles of the mind, the compulsions, the obsessions, these things will control you if you let them. They will bring you to your knees and hold you under the surface until you can't breathe. So if you find yourself drowning in the waters of your own mind today, don't wait to reach out your hand for help. I have sought both professional and personal help for my disorder. I have had days where it is a battle just to carry out my normal tasks, although that isn't my everyday. Let the hands of others help carry you through the water when you can't swim alone. And dear heart, be proactive with your coping mechanisms, with your weapons of choice. Don't wake up or go to sleep without meditating on what is TRUE, without declaring the falsehood of the labels and shame and fear. When you can feel yourself getting caught in an imagination fueled nightmare, redeem your imagination with scripture.
There are so many wonderful options out there for coping with mental disorders and I am certianly not attempting to monologue or pass judgement on any of them. More often then not, multiple tools are necessary in order to find mental balance again. But just like my mom said to me, if you aren't memorizing a scripture verse right now then you need to be. What we meditate on has power. Don't believe the lies. Seek help. Meditate on truth.